It’s health and wellness day here at the BraveGirl blog.
Usually, I put up something about physical health. Whether it’s about exercise
or healthy recipes. But during the holidays, I think that it is extra important
to focus on our mental health. A lot of us have hard Thanksgiving and
Christmas’ due to having suffered a loss around that time. December 28, will
make 27 years that my father has been gone. I still struggle with that day and
find myself slipping into the dumps around this time. So the sadness is very
real, whatever the reason. And though it may be hard, we need to push ourselves
into making the holidays into meaning something again – even as we adjust to a
“new normal”.
Not that I’m an expert, by any means but I thought I’d share
a few things that I’m doing to ensure that I can at least tolerate the holidays
a little more.
1.
I’m forcing myself to get out of the house. Being
that I live in Michigan, I may not be able to do that for much longer if the
weather gets crazy like it did last year. So while I can, when I feel like
curling under the blankets and forgetting about everything until January, I
grab my lap top and go somewhere. Having deadlines and things to do for
BraveGirl that take priority has definitely helped. I have understanding
friends so when I call them and say “I’m isolating”, they’re making plans with
me to help me get out of my funk. I spent Thanksgiving with my aunt and got to
see a cousin that I haven’t seen in years (and by “in years” I mean a decade)
and that, in and of itself has helped me kick off the festivities on the right
note.
2.
I decorated the house for Christmas. The years
that I actually do a tree, I tend to do a two, maybe 3 colored theme tree and
I’ve wanted to do a black and white tree on a white tree with clear lights for
years. So imagine my sheer glee when I got a white tree for $28 on Black Friday
that is pre-lit with clear lights. And the black, white and silver bulbs were
in a pack for less than $10. Another aunt and my mother sent down some new
Christmas decorations and I’m set. I was giggling and dancing while I put them
around the house.
3.
I’m starting a Christmas card exchange with
friends on FB. When I first got out on my own, I sat down and sent out a
gazillion of those things. To like 40 people. When 3 people sent their own (and
one of them was my cousin, so that doesn’t really count), I got mad and from
that day forward, I get cards for the inner circle and my boyfriend. But in the
interest of getting outside of myself, I figure I’ll send them to people who
appreciate them. And I like doing things for other people.
4. I
love Christmas music. In fact, I’m sure I’ll probably do a blog on my top
favorites. Even when I’m gettin’ my Grinch on, I’ll still listen to my
Christmas music. But the traditional stuff bores me. Love the poppy, different
versions. And my love for the Trans Siberian Orchestra is infinite. My
Thanksgiving night usually starts with listening to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want
For Christmas Is You” and New Kid’s On the Block’s “Funky, Funky Christmas”
(Don’t hate, that Christmas album is GREAT). The other day, I was in a
horrible, un-Christmasy mood and put Mariah Carey Christmas station on my
Pandora and it took about a half hour, but eventually, I felt my mood start to
lift and started to sing along (Jon Bon Jovi’s Christmas music influenced that
by a LOT).
5. So
to piggy back on the music – the Christmas movies!!! ZOMG! My favorite thing to
do in the world around this time of year is to go MIA for a couple of days and
make popcorn with melted chocolate to dip it in, grab my lap top, get into warm
jammies and chill on the couch and switch between ABC Family and Hallmark and
watch their original programming.
6. I’m
still working on this next one, but this year, I’m going to give back. I’ve had
a rocky year and had to ask for help from places that I don’t normally turn to,
but they helped me without having to be asked twice. So in the spirit of
giving, I’m going to volunteer somewhere. Whether it’s at the children’s ward
in the hospital or a soup kitchen or even at the animal shelter, it’s time for
me to realize that it’s not all about me. I’m not the only person that’s
struggled. I’m incredibly blessed and I know this. I’m going to show my thanks
by showing kindness to people who may not see it very often.
7. While
I’m doing all of this to make sure I’m in a better place mentally, I don’t plan
on ignoring the 28th. I never do. When I tried, things just got worse
for me. I’ve made peace with the fact that 3 days after Christmas is going to
be hard – no matter how much I paste on a smile the rest of December. I stick
to myself that day and allow myself to miss my dad. I play his favorite songs
and look at pictures and relive happy memories. I’m saying this more
specifically for the people who lost relatives around this time or for those of
you that are experiencing the “new normal” for the first time. Trying to push
past the hurt and the sadness like it’s not there is going to stretch out the
pain and the heartache. I read somewhere that it takes 3 cycles of holidays for
it to start to get easier. So allow yourself time to mourn and feel that loss.
And then smile and be thankful for having your loved one for as long as you
did.
8. I
have some friends that have been doing a picture a day for a year of things
that make them happy. Others did #100 days of happiness picture challenges. I
would never be able to remember that, but I subscribed to a lot of positive
quotes and affirmation pages on facebook and try to pick one a day to keep in
the front of my mind for the day so if things get dicey for me, I think of it,
take a deep breath and try to exhale the negative energy.
9. Be
kind to others, even when they aren’t to you. I’ve been trying to keep in mind
that a lot of people are grumpy and rude from like Halloween until New Years.
Just because they’re wallowing in their misery doesn’t mean I have to. Someone
picked an unnecessary argument with me and in the middle of starting to answer
back, I stopped and said “You know what? Okay,” and walked off, even though
they continued. When I left where I was at, this person said “Have a blessed
day.” I swallowed what I really wanted to say and said “You too. Have a blessed
holiday.” And I felt better because I’d let the negative feelings go.
10. It
is REALLY easy to get wrapped up in our own misery and feel bad about our
situation around the holidays. Not just because of the bad memories associated
with this time of year, but the stupid weather is just, stupid. And I don’t
know about you, but winter seems like the longest season out of all of them (I
was convinced that last January was never going to end). So I wrote a list of
everything I’m thankful for and put it somewhere I can see it. And because I
physically wrote it out, it’s easier to call to memory during those times where
I’m getting down on myself for not being where I want to be or having exactly
what I want to have.
None of these things are easy. It
takes work, but I truly believe that the holidays are only as hard as we make
them. Life throws a lot of things at us that we can’t control. But our mindset
and how we deal with things is completely up to us.
Happy Holidays, friends!
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